The first glance

I remember the first time I saw you
On my first day of work
It was a glance,
But you stuck through
I looked out for you but I never did see you
The second time I saw you was a great day.
But now you're braver, I gotta get braver too.

Thanks no thanks

I'll tell you straight up
Im not used to this kind of attention
Whatmore treatment
So pardon me if I get too awkward
You just bring every cheesy thing I ever imagined
It's like i'm both surprised but relieved
Blurred lines between hope and expect
You just deliver
Go on, my love

i dont think we're right

Yes you attract me
U smile I smile
But i'd rather get the signs that we're not right now than later down the road

Yes it's disappointing
But i dont know if I have it in me to wait for you
To be who you're not
It's not even fair
But if your personal development requires my presence,
I'll be a friend.

Yes you'll still be my sunshine.
You make me happy when skies might be grey.
You just have a face that makes my heartbeat erratic.
And your calming soothing voice and the way you handle us-
I sigh in content that I got to know you at all.

Dear sunshine, you're not who I think you are,
But I am aware that you're probably not what I think I know you are
I don't know what to do with you honestly.
For now i'll just take advantage of the effect you have on me.
You're mesmerizing.

I failed.

Ya Allah ni baru ujian kecil kau berikan
Berikan kami semua kesabaran dan ketenangan hati.

You never know dear

Started my morning with your smile,
And it hurts that it made me feel so bright
That I don't even know you
Regardless, i'm happy I even got to know you exist
You bring light to my already bright life
Sunshine
You're mine to embrace

Random thoughts at 7am

How could I expect her to be there when I made it clear from the start that I don't need her?
How could I blame her for not being a good friend when I Declared myself as low maintanence?

How could this happen twice in my life?
Seeing your muse get into a relationship?
Babyshark, and now Gyro.
It could happen again, it could happen everytime I find interest in someone.
It could keep going.
But how could I complain while I keep on praying to be distanced from those wrong for me?
How could I ask for the best and wish for the best to be my best?

How could I harbour hope again?
In Koala when simple distractions pulled me away from him so easily?
When I wrote about letting him go because we were too different, when it was convenient and I had options?
How could I wait for more coincidences to happen before deciding to hope again?

Is it possible that in liking my muse, the other girls too did not have intentions to hurt?
No intentions to fall for the same guy I fell for.
No wrongdoings too; I myself said "Why would I be mad, he's not even mine."
Because I know when my heart fell for a commoner, I truly feel guilty but I find myself pushing that away sometimes because "It's not like i'm doing anything, I just enjoy his company" failing to realise that from the eyes of an admirer, it's exactly what would hurt 

Seeking constant self reflection.
May what we think reflect what we feel.