I'd rather it hurt now

It is tempting, to seek your attention
It is tempting to trace your every move.
To feel upset when you fail to deliver
To read your words and actions
To over analyse your behaviour and body language as I usually do.
It is hard to actively sieve all these out and maintain a normal relation
Im not special to you and neither will you be to me
I would comfort the ache and deal with my own silence
Before it gets too far and I fall from a higher ground