All my feelings

Right now the usual reflective blue hues of the pool seems darkened, dimmed by the lack of hope
Right now the usual laughters of innocence are quieted down, replaced by honest confessions
Right now the expecting heart knows to hold itself, it sees reality unfolding in every pixel and it lags behind-
Even though every change in image pierces, the heart holds on tight, wanting to get to the end of the ride
Even though it hurts the eyes to see and the ears to overhear, it hurts the lips to smile and the brain to repeat "I am okay" for as many times as it takes to convince myself and others around me.
They persevere.
They gave me truth and in return I let them continue suffering-
Because this selfishness to own love triumphs over my love for self.