Let us go, honestly. I deserve better.

I had two pretty sucky days in a row as you've witnessed, and the one person I asked for help first was not only unavailable, said person didnt even bother.
She has time for anyone else, who gives her the attention she wants
And gives her the high she craves.
But she'll only fall back on me for comfort when the rest of the world fails to understand her
And if this is what our friendship will look like (as it has been the past 4 years)-
I. Want. Out

i deserve someone who is willing to put in as much effort as im willing to put for her.

emptiness in all forms, but it won't last, I know it

I feel sick to my stomach on an empty stomach
I feel like crawling into a blanket of the seventh dimension where time and space ceases to be
I have all these thoughts and none of them are about me
But all of them are for me
I have all these tears wanting to escape but they're dried even before I consider letting them out
I have all these voices demanding my attention but i'm unwilling to give in to any

And as usual

I'm the last man standing
Only one remaining
Only one to keep our word
Only one to respect our promises

Move it

It should never feel like a zero-sum game
We could still be friends

Remember, the problem

Ingat, saat begini siapa yang datang menyinggah, walau sementara
Siapa yang ingat kita, walau sederhana
Dan siapa yang meletakkan diri mereka sendiri.
Tidak mengapa jika kebenaran terselindung, masalahnya adalah apabila kebenaran ditolaktepikan dan diabaikan.
Masalahnya apabila kami memilih keselesaan daripada kebenaran
Masalahnya.

All my feelings

Right now the usual reflective blue hues of the pool seems darkened, dimmed by the lack of hope
Right now the usual laughters of innocence are quieted down, replaced by honest confessions
Right now the expecting heart knows to hold itself, it sees reality unfolding in every pixel and it lags behind-
Even though every change in image pierces, the heart holds on tight, wanting to get to the end of the ride
Even though it hurts the eyes to see and the ears to overhear, it hurts the lips to smile and the brain to repeat "I am okay" for as many times as it takes to convince myself and others around me.
They persevere.
They gave me truth and in return I let them continue suffering-
Because this selfishness to own love triumphs over my love for self.

I'm not important
Stop lying to others and me

{}
I'm not the first to know things
And I don't even know anything

{}
I'm not breathing just so I can tell you about him

{}
Tell me about yourself first
He is not important

{}
I cannot believe it
I'm cancelling a plan i'm usually excited for

All because you somehow push me away in your own way

And {}
It is not ok
Two can play the same game but {} i'm not in