Today was a trying day

Sometimes I realise that wallowing in self pity is no use and moving on helps you get out of the rut,
But times like this I just want to sit in solitude and let my thoughts consume me whole.

Depression is bullshit.

Depression is bullshit. Everyone hurts, it's the inability and failure to cope that lets people make depression an excuse. I know people who suffer a lot but they're alright why? Strong will, faith in god, and just so much love within themselves. It's not giving up. Depression is bullshit. It's a cowardly way to justify your weakness. If everyone can accept the fact that they are ALLOWED to be weak, sometimes for long periods of time, the term will not even be a big deal. No medication will be needed just because everyone understands. Everyone is allowed to feel lonely even in a room full of people, you're allowed to cry nights on end, you're allowed breakdowns and crazy thoughts. But the thing is, you're more than allowed to get out of the rut and continue hustling, pushing through life.

Depression is bullshit.

Boredom rarely strikes

Spent nights wishing I had a friend I could ask out at any moment of the day-
Then an epiphany dawns that she exists;
She's right here.
I am my own companion through walks and jogs, crawls and rests.

Liking a boy suddenly

See that's the thing about suddenly being interested in a boy-
You wished you noticed the way he'd been treating you since the beginning,
If there are changes in his steps, or his smile, or how many seconds exactly his eyes meet yours.
If he suddenly laughs at all your lame jokes or suddenly bothers to keep the doors open even when it's totally out of his way (or is he just being nice, as he usually is?)
If he had always been this quiet around you.
If he had always been standing that close to you, or insisted you walk ahead so he could be behind you.

Or are you overthinking and it turns out to be true that-
Nothing has changed but you?

The way you read his actions that has long been there,
So it's not he who suddenly has feelings for you, it's just that you're slowly beginning to care.

Out of the darkness

Everytime I raise my voice or push you away I regret.
But why do I keep doing it over and over again?
And why is your heart so pure?
I want to conserve and preserve your gentle, loving, white as snow soul.
I hate to be the black energy that sucks you dry.
I want to be sunshine.
Teach me.

Stupid phanfic, let me get you out of my head with my own words

I sat across you,
Hands holding, choking even, my words.
Constricting my throat pushing down every thoughts and swallowing every sounds desperate to escape these lips.

You cry.
And I hurt inside but the smile on my face will never betray my emotions; it never had.
You speak about your dark life.
And my abyss carried forth from my past fights to arise, to make an appearance and pride on how much darker it is compared to you.
You whimper slightly, glad that i'm here for you.
And I numb my heart totally, rejecting every warmth it desired from your smiles, because I do not know how to feel anymore.

Im glad my little store bought ray of sunshine turned your night around,
But not even your pretty laughs can echo in my abandoned heart.
You're finally happy, and it's finally time for me to leave.
I've saved you from your pain but noone can save me from mine.