In trying to keep my feelings under control, i try to numb my thoughts
And in doing so, im just not present
Sometimes i go through the motion and im even afraid that i'll say nonsense because im just not thinking
You laugh at me when I mess up,
I never used to mess up
You laughed at me when i couldnt multitask and you laughed because i was quiet
But im just not present
Im physically there but that is it
My brain is just empty for the time being, i guess its way to protect itself
Ive always been aware, present and purposeful in my actions
But this past month i havent been and i'll try to find myself again soon
It is really annoying when i make stupid mistakes that ive never made
But i know why and im being gentle to myself
I know i just need time
And time is all i have,
Thankfully.
