though i dont think it so,

it's alright

Maybe one day i'll grow tired too

Sometimes I wished it was as easy for me as it is for you
Just sometimes

I think i'll always miss being adored by you
And I hate how momentary it was and sometimes I wished it never happened so i'd never feel the loss and crash from such heights
But for right now, i'm just honoured to ever be adored by you-
Even if it lasted too quick and ended too soon

How can I resist my soul the thing that makes it happy?
I don't know what souls are made out of and I won't attempt to understand-
But mine is enamoured with yours

I don't have a good heart
But I can assure everyone and everything
I only have good intentions

I dont just want to write about the sad days,
I'll write about the happy ones,
The peaceful ones,
The ones where i'm completely at ease and aligned
Happiness is a choice and i'm completely aware
Sometimes I let my heart throw a tiny bit of a tantrum and wallow in self pity before calming it down again
And i'll be alright and filled with lights once more

Can't remember the last time you asked How I am
Somehow that hurts the most
Getting reminded that you no longer care
But like you said,
I should learn to be ok with it

I apologize oh Lord for keeping this hurt so close to my heart
If I had a slither of choice to remove it with my own power,
Please show it to me
If all I can do is wait,
Grant me patience
Dry my tears just a while more
Hold my heart tighter so it feels less

I miss you and i'll just keep saying it to myself until the feeling goes away

Feels like a child at a playground
Whom noone wants to befriend
And I want to go home
But I can't find my way back

And even if I eventually do
I'll only hear them say "it's not you"
If it's not me,
What is it?

Sometimes I want to wish your life feels the slightest bit duller without me
But alas,
My thoughts begin and end with wishing you are happy

Nights like these I can do nothing but beg Him to stop my heart from yearning, and wanting, and missing,
And hurting

Tonight I realise i've been so burdensome in your life
If I truly loved you i'd have left ages ago
Maybe it's not too late to prove it one more time

Once a week I find myself begging to god again
To heal my heart again
Lose this love for you again
And the next week I find myself doing it
Once more

The way I missed you started as a scream,
A long painful wail and a struggle to keep calm
Now it's the softest whimper
I learn to hide it better
But the pain feels the exact same

I'll learn to be happy from the backseat
Passively absorbing the good vibes and beautiful experiences from other people
And manifesting my own version of happy
Even if it means not experiencing them first hand
Almost like Virtual Reality
Who's to say it's not real

You used to be my safe place
Now you're just another person I have to put up a strong front around

It's like the universe gave me a taste of having someone who's on my side,
And then says, "My bad, that was not meant for you."
And rips is away from me once more
But at least i'm back to what i'm used to,
Right?
Then why does it feel so bitter?

You know what's the saddest part?
I can't remember how your voice sounds like
It has only been 3 weeks since we spoken

Ive done so many things
To distract me from thoughts of you
But when im alone in the room at night again,
I get sad.
Again.

Let me hold onto this pain,
And only tell myself about it
And when I can no longer bear it
I'll pour it out to the universe

I'll take the hint

I'll take the hint,
Against my will,
I'll step into your cowardly shoes,
And take a break from my One, shattered soul
I'll leave you be once more

Maybe

I'll be nicer to you once I accept that i'm not meant to love

More okay

But triggered by a song tonight
Didnt even think,
Just felt
It was only 15 seconds and it is enough
For me to shed tears and release the barely stitched scars of my heart
It's okay dear self you've been doing so well
Tonight's just one night
You'll get through this hell

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