I think I just love myself in a weird way

Think i'd have a fair share, ample even, of people who aren't sincere and true
Every single time it traps and burns but every single time too I keep giving chances-
But these chances comes at a price
The more I give up, the more the hurt when the ironically expected pain comes.
Why do I do this to myself, I don't know.
Do I not love myself enough?
Is this what Naive means?
But I know what i'm doing every single time.
Is this a case of misallocated kindness?
Where though is the compassion if i'm not being nice to myself?

Bitches gonna bitch and champions like me gotta just champ on-
This honestly is unnecessary hurt and I do not require this at all

=××=
All these done,
At least now I know you're just that kind of person
Does not excuse you,
But hey.
I can learn to feel better

Current state: going to wikihow to gauge my friendships (or lack thereof)

Consider accepting the relationship as it is.It’s normal for people to grow apart over time, but that doesn’t mean you have to end the friendship completely. Think about whether you can accept and enjoy this friendship for what it is, even if you wish you were closer to the other person.

For instance, maybe you can stay on good terms with this person and see them a few times a year, even if you’re not best friends anymore.

Work on making some new friends to ease the sting of downgrading a close friend to an acquaintance.

It's okay to take a short break from the friendship so that you can come to terms with the change.

-Wikihow

Evaluation

Sometimes the people furthest from us cares more than we think.
I have so many good people in my life who would be willing to be there for me.
Why do I keep expecting and doing the same for people who wont do crap for me?

hurt

the moment you called her to ask if she was gonna be there before deciding whether you were going,
i was simultaneously touched by the reminder of love(ish)
and hurt by your actions.

lol

uninvited

after so long,
i dreamt of you.
were you thinking of me before you fell asleep?

in my dreams you reconciled us-
i tried to hide but you said
"are we really not going to talk about us?"
and i said,
"ok fine"

the dream ended ridiculous, we were hugging while walking down the street
don't have to come true but at least reconcile?

unless we're truly the epitome of perpendicular lines-
meet once never to reconcile again
either way i'll always wish you well and you know it
be happy, safe and kind.
♡