Don't stop being you.

She cried twice.
5 days before, due to shock.
4 days later, due to acceptance.
I cry twice.
First out of hurt.
8 years later, out of acceptance.
Or at least an attempt to.
You'll always be fine and i'll always pray for your wellbeing.
I'm happy seeing you happy.

Facts and reality

When I first began University, I had a lot of ambitions.
I was going to join conferences, take up extra classes, attend outside lectures, possibly even take up leadership positions in clubs.
It began well, I found a group of seemingly solid friends, I did my readings.
But then two things happened;
1) i was getting effortless grades (which was an excellent thing until I realised it primed me into refusing the need to put in effort-probably explains my allergy to assignments)
2) And I found things that takes up my time more.
Things I dont necessarily disapprove of (well except that part time job but hey it sufficed me till now)

Half of me probably feels bad to past me for not fulfilling her wants, for not giving myself a chance to once again go back to that overachiever who just does things with so much joy and enthusiasm. This half certainly wished we could go over, but this half also understands that we have 5 more semesters for things to change and that it's all up to me. Most importantly, this half believes in me.

The other half respects that im putting a lot into my art. This half understands that whatever im spending most of my time now might be the things i'll miss doing as I grow older, as life calls. This half agrees that it's worth it. It's worth putting in time and effort in things I love lest I can't have the luxury of this much time to practice them. Best of all, this half, too, believes in me.

In conclusion, my better self recognizes that there is always a way for me to strive for both and it's all really in my hands. And my better self? You guessed it; she believes in me.

I believe in me. Insyaallah.

You and dreams

You're like the recurring places in my dreams
The ones that always seem new but familiar
Also the ones where my conscious cannot tell if i've been in real life or merely visited in astral
Sometimes I think I know you but soon you're like a stranger
You always seem new but familiar.